Tag Archives: glioma

The meaning of time..

9 Apr

..is never something we consider in depth. We say things like,

‘I haven’t got enough time to do x…’

When we really mean that we don’t consider x, as an activity, important enough for us to dedicate a part of our life to it. Or maybe that we consider doing something else more pressing which pushes x off the radar. Depending on what x is, by declaring it unimportant we can sometimes bin it forever, but there are some things which will rise back up day after day. There are things that will not be done if you don’t do them. Even if you push them off the list time and time again.

Mundane examples: cleaning the bathroom, taking out the bin, paying the electricity bill.

These Xs can be pushed aside due to ‘lack of time’ but you can see repercussions quickly and so interestingly time can be found. No one wants to live in the dark in a rubbish tip.

When it comes to making decisions it’s easy to plead lack of time as an escape route. However if you knew you were going to end up living in darkness unless you decided to pay your electricity bill you would make time to find out how to pay it and actually do it. You might leave it right until the last minute but it would be done.

If x is a decision in life that’s easier to ignore especially as it’s one thats going to take a lot of time to think about, it’s easy to replace it with small daily tasks. But by ignoring it we’re declaring that it’s not important enough for us to dedicate part of our life to.

Huge mistake if it is our life that is in the hands of the decision.

Thoughts for the future

18 Feb

When I think about my life  two years ago before I found out that I had a brain tumour it was something like this:

I was falling in love – I had just met the person who would become the most important person in my life over the following two years, and who is still the most important person to me despite recent changes in circumstance. If you can still describe people as honorable, that is one of the words I would choose to describe him.

I had just found out that I had got the job that I’m doing now which I love – after years of seeing my friends in career jobs and knowing that’s what I should be doing I had found something that suited me.

I had found my place in a country where I never really felt at home – I’m not a real free spirit, I don’t have dreadlocks, yet I’m not suited and booted, and I’d found my little place where it felt like other similar people lived.

I had found real, true friends in a new city – easier said than done, believe me.

These things still stand. In fact many of the ties are stronger; the job has been boring a lot of the time, and the money shit, but the support invaluable. The friends have been incredible, and the boy – I physically couldn’t have done it without him. In fact without him, none of the above would be my life any more. Unfortunately the whole experience took it’s toll on him, but in my mind there’s hope yet. He’ll heal, and never have to go through this again, yet will be stronger for it.

The future, well, things are going to change, and today, this is my plan. I am not saying it will stay the same, but this is what it is today.

I will work and work and work until I get a promotion. I’ll have my treatment, and work less, and see where I am. If I am a lot better, in a stable place, then at the next scan, in December (?) I will rent out my flat, and travel to SE Asia for 6 months, and then on to Australia, get a working holiday visa and stay for a year, then see where things take me.

Let’s be fair. I have savings, a brain tumour which if it doesn’t stabilise will need chemo and I’ll need proper care. I have a life expectancy of about 5-10 years, and I’m damn well going to enjoy them. And if it’s longer, then wooooo, I’ll still have done all the things I want to do and not given over my youth to the rat race.

You don’t have to live forever you just have to LIVE.